Congratulations to the following people for getting out of jail:
Dr. Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian:
Paroled from a Michigan prison last week after serving 8 years for second-degree murder, Kevorkian, 79, said Tuesday he would dedicate himself to a longshot effort to convince Americans to support assisted suicide.
However, as a condition of his two-year parole, Kevorkian promised the state he would not assist suffering and terminally ill patients commit suicide and said he would hold to that vow even after his parole ended. Practice what you preach, dude.
Paris Hilton:
Hilton, 26, was released from jail on Thursday for medical reasons after serving just three days of a three-week term, but was confined to her home with an electronic ankle bracelet for 40 days. Likely, the bracelet is accented by canary yellow diamonds. Hilton was serving time for violating probation after being caught driving with a suspended licence.
Authorities did not specify the medical issue that led to her "reassignment" or say why she could not be treated in jail, though logic points to venereal diseases.
Pundits (Matt, Scott, Wesley, Gramps) call for Hilton to be jailed again, if only for her radically unentertaining sex video, as society should maintain higher standards for the quality of such videos, they contest.
Update: Paris is, of course, going back to jail now.